Let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. 1 Peter 3:3-4
It had been one of those mornings. One of those mornings many women across the globe have, even thin women like me. On this particular morning I was having THAT day-the “there is nothing in my closet that fits and everything is too tight, too frumpy, too something” kind of day. Even my husband was subjected to my self-pity as I threw belts, hangers, and dresses; and griped to him that “Nothing fits!” “This dress won’t even zip!” “I have on tights, so I can’t just throw on pants.” “Where are my Spanx?” Yes, skinny chicks need Spanx too!
Don’t judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him. The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart. 1 Samuel 16:7
God tells us he doesn’t care about our dress size, but yet, we still worry so much about our outward appearance. We look upon the external appearances of others. We allow society and the media to tell us that we must lose that baby weight in 3 months or less, because if Kim Kardashian can, certainly we can too! We let fashion magazines and runway models tell us that we must all be a size 0, and we define each other by our sizes, too. I, although appreciative of any and all compliments I receive, have been the subject of dress size comparison when listening to comments on my thin frame- “Oh, you could wear anything! What, you are a size 2 or something, right?”
Right….courtesy of Spanx.
“For it is from within, out of a person’s heart, that evil thoughts come.” Mark 7:21
Those evil thoughts begin on days like the other morning when I feel like nothing in my closet is the least bit flattering. I must not disappoint all those who give me such wonderful compliments on my appearance. I must be a size 2! I have to be a size 2! Everyone expects me to look like a size 2! The self-loathing continues through the day as I pull on the fifth dress I managed to make work. A dress that is still too tight! (Where in the world are those Spanx!) The ever present critical voice that inhabits my head on occasion and that fueled an eating disorder in my teens and twenties slowly creep back in. I must be a size 2. It has been five years since my last child, and I should look like Kim! I am so not worthy!
“God created each one of us in our own unique way. Just like a snowflake we all hold a blueprint that differs from one another. It’s great to lose weight and keep our bodies healthy and strong, but it is also important that we appreciate who we are today-with or without extra pounds.” -Candace Cameron Bure, Reshaping it All.
Please don’t be offended. I certainly appreciate the flattery, the compliments. I know I am blessed with a smaller frame. I like having a neat and tidy appearance. Don’t worry your flattery is not breeding another eating disorder. And, yes, I realize I am a size 2, and many folks believe that I could not possibly know what it is like to wrestle with weight loss issues. body image, and the struggles of food. But I do. And I also know I am more than my dress size. More than my tiny frame.
Why do we women think that our dress size equates to worthiness, when God does not require us to be a certain size at all?
Why do we look in the mirror and only see our cellulite? (Yes, we thin chicks have that too. I’m telling you, Spanx are a sound investment!) Why do we focus on what is on the outside, and not look at all that we have to offer that has nothing to do with the size on the hanger or on our tags?
Why do we allow the devil to fill our heads with such self-hatred just because we do not fit the standard that society says is worthy and beautiful enough to be on the cover of a fashion magazine?
As I pulled and tugged on my dress THAT fateful day, I started to ask myself: Will anyone truly recall my dress size when it is all said and done? “That January. Such a fine young woman, and she was certainly a great size 2!” I certainly hope not!
Does God care that there are some days I feel a little “puffy,” or that my cardigan may be hiding the fact that my dress does not actually zip up in back because it is a tad bit too tight?
My size will not be a factor in how I love others. It will not be a factor in how I love God. It is not a factor in how I serve him. How I serve others. It is not a factor in my ministry, in my friendships, my marriage. Nor is it a factor in my walk with Him.
While size may be precious to society, it isn’t precious to God. He loves me and you regardless of the size on the tag of clothing we are wearing. Regardless of the number on the scale. Regardless of how long it takes us to lose baby weight. Regardless of whether or not we ever do!
God loves me-not my size. God thinks I am precious and amazing-Spanx and all!