I am going to be honest. Tuesday was not a very good day. Whatever peace I had in the midst of my struggles, was slowly attacked by the devil, and was a thing of the past as I got home and snapped at anything and everything in sight. Technology issues had wreaked havoc on my school life for days. The snowstorm that has now crippled us changed many a plan during the week, and even became confusing if you relied on the 20 different weather predictions posted throughout cyberspace. An argument with my teenager had me questioning all things related to parenting. Many pieces of paper were dropped and never picked up. Coats were taken off, only to land on the floor until Mommy finally picked them up. And then there was the ever growing stack of mail and papers that never seem to leave the kitchen table staring at me as I cooked dinner. Let’s not forget the toilet paper roll that was once again sitting…empty. The one that had me resorting to leaving post-it notes to get my point across. I had not an ounce of love left to show anyone, and it became painfully obvious as I snapped at my kids, at my dog, at my computer, and at my husband.
I justified my response. I felt under-appreciated. I deserved to be angry, short, and irritated. I’ve had a rough couple of weeks. I have fought battle after battle with mine and my kid’s health. I have run the roads to appointment after appointment, and to avert disaster after disaster. I was tired. I was worn thin. I deserved to be annoyed.
I deserved a big ole fat pity party!
Which also meant, I deserved Oreos, a bowl full of Doritos, A Hershey bar (with almonds of course), and a soda. No, not diet.
Certainly once I wallowed in my self-pity, stewed in my anger just a little more, and poured my soul into chocolate, I’d feel much better, right?
Well…..no. Because the next morning wasn’t much better. I hit the snooze button one too many times. I spent another morning rifling through closets for something to wear. I got toothpaste on my shirt, and I endured a 6:30 AM meltdown over Animal Planet versus Sprout, all before hitting the road earlier than usual so I could beat an impending snow storm.
I wanted to have another pity party. I wanted to scream at God to just give me a break. I wanted to drown my sorrows in Starbucks and chocolate muffins.
I wanted these “things” to make me feel better. To restore all the peace I just had a few days ago.
You have circled this mountain long enough, now turn north. Deuteronomy 2:3
Since I started this Made to Crave journey, I have pondered this verse and how I could make it speak truth into my life, and my struggles with turning to worldly desires to comfort.
I have tried this healthy eating journey so many times before, making promises to myself to finally cut out all the gluten that wreaks havoc on my tummy. I would finally stop snacking on Spicy Nacho Doritos and snack on carrots instead (not an easy trade-off!). I would stop turning to coffee, chocolate, shopping, or girls’ weekends away to comfort me and give me peace. It works for a while. I start taking a different direction. I move around that mountain, and it works.
Until a new mountain is placed in my path, and I start throwing pity parties again. Parties in my snack cabinets. Parties at Goodwill. Parties at Starbucks. And dreams of parties on a deserted island (and I am not completely convinced that this won’t help…).
Not once in all this “partying” have I thought about partying with God. Not once have I let go of the need to do things in my own strength. Not once have I put down the Hershey bar, and asked God for strength, for power, for peace to get around that mountain one more time.
Pity parties are no fun. They don’t feed the soul with the promises of good times to come. They only serve one purpose-to put focus on oneself.
Seeking the comfort of the things this world offers may feel good in the moment. They may satisfy a craving for a time, but that feeling won’t last. At some point, you end up right back at that same mountain of pity, defeat, and longing.
The Lord will guide you continually, giving you water when you are dry, and restoring your strength. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail. Isaiah 58:11
I don’t know about you, but I want to be a well-watered garden, instead of the dried up, pitiful monster that sometimes walks around in my home. I want to be satisfied by a mighty God, instead of my craving for chocolate and almonds. I want to move forward over the many mountains in my path, instead of constantly circling around the same mountain.
I want to take my burdens to God instead of to Starbucks.
I want to seek Him in troubles instead of a great deal on the clearance rack.
“I am leaving you a gift-peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.” John 14:27
Peace of mind and heart that only He can give? Now that is a reason to party!