Me, Of Such Little Faith

Jesus immediately reached out and grabbed him. “You have such little faith,” Jesus said. “Why did you doubt me?” Matthew 14:31

In a few weeks I will head back to Lynchburg, Virginia to attend a week long class. Alone, just like the last time. I have spent many of the past few weeks once again dreading the thought of leaving the cocoon of my home to sit in class with such a large group of strangers.

An introvert’s worst nightmare. And the source of dread and doubt that has plagued me, is one I even convinced my husband to let go off in terms of our finances!

I know. I know. I am not only an introvert, but also not so great at this practicing what you preach stuff.

What good is it, dear brothers and sisters, if you say you have faith but don’t show it by your actions. James 2:14

So, I here I sit. A woman who says she has enormous faith in God. Who commands her numbers-crunching husband to have a little faith as well, yet, I don’t have enough faith to believe he will not leave me lonely while I am away from home.

See, I mentioned I am introvert, right? I am not one who seeks out people. I would rather sit in the back of the room with a cup of coffee and a book, people watching, without ever having to engage with anyone. It seems a little irrational, but in reality, I simply fear rejection. I fear not making a connection with people, saying something completely idiotic, or finding out that someone really just doesn’t want to talk to me, or even like me.

Why? Because the devil tells me I have nothing to offer. Because the devil tells me I have nothing important to say, nothing of significance to contribute. Because the devil wants me to believe that no one wants to talk to me. That I am not good enough, and that no one likes me.

And even though I know that I will be surrounded by brothers and sisters in Christ; people all working towards the same goal, the devil wants me to believe that I will be all alone.

Even when I know better….even when I know he says he will NEVER leave me lonely.

Just as my doubt begins to take over, and I cannot get over my fear and insecurities about venturing on this journey again:

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. Philippians 4:6-7

That’s right. Even in our doubt, he can still answer prayers. Even seemingly silly and irrational ones like mine.

Because just as I was praying about my loneliness and dread, someone else was praying about their own journey to Lynchburg that same week! And, what do you know? It just so happened to be the same week I would be traveling too.

I doubted God’s plan last semester, and he placed people in my path to be with me along the journey. I doubted him again, and yet he has provided my need this time as well, putting that same person in just the right place at just the right time.

Oh, me, of such little faith. Worrying about tomorrow. Afraid of the unknown. Not giving my doubts and worries to God and trusting His plan.

Give your burdens to the Lord, and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall. Psalm 55:22

He hasn’t failed me. He has never let me fall. Whether in my finances, my relationships, or a week long trip away from home.

So, it’s time to get rid of all my doubts, all my fears. To lay all my worries, burdens, and cares at His feet, and then to walk away knowing that no matter the task, no matter the worry-God has it all handled!

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11 Comments

  1. January, I absolutely love your heart! I love how your willing to allow God to use you, teach you, and how you step out in faith even when it’s fearful for you to do so! I too fear being rejected! I too feel inadequate. I too am “Me, Of Such Little Faith.” Maybe, God knows what He’s doing. heh? Making it possible for me to get in the course and you praying not to be lonely! Wow! I’ve got chills! You will ABSOLUTELY not be lonely! You will have at least two friends, me and God! Although, your beautiful heart shined through right away, and our spirits connected. Your spirit will connect to other new and cool people. By the way, I have NEVER heard you say anything less than wise words! Can’t wait to see you in a week! Blessings to you friend! Crystal

    1. Thanks, Crystal! I know this fear and doubt comes from the devil….because God has shown his faithfulness each time I find myself in the same situation. I tend to tune out the voice that tells me over and over…”Girl, I got this!” He teaches me so much more about myself each day! Can’t wait to hang out in just a few!!

  2. I can so relate to your story. My fear is speaking in a group. It always terrifies me. I have been working little by little to speak up or get involved in a conversation in a group. You will not be alone!!! Keep staying close to Him and He will get you through anything! We can not let the devil win!! Praying for safe travels for you. I am close to Lynchburg. I am in the Roanoke area!! Thanks for your inspiration.

    1. Jennifer, Thanks for reading! I pray you stay close to him along this journey and conquer your fear of speaking! I am right outside Charlottesville, so not too far!

      Blessings,
      January

  3. I can relate to your story as well since I am also an introvert who does not like having to interact with strangers, especially since I’m always worried of what they will think of me and I compare myself to them. Good Luck with your classes and I am also looking forward to kicking this fear to the curb as well!

    1. Rebecca, thanks for stopping by and reading. Isn’t it awful sometimes…I want so badly to be outgoing, but I keep allowing that fear of rejection take over. Prayers that we can both beat this with HIS help!

      Blessings,
      January

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