Lord, I Am Just Worn!

I’m tired and worn. My heart is heavy. -Tenth Avenue North

I have shared before how much I may seem to thrive off this crazy ability to manage an insanely busy schedule. This is something many believe I can make look easy. Juggling the hats labeled mom, taxi driver, student, assistant, pastor, mentor, wife, and counselor, I often get asked the question, “How in the world do you manage it all?”

Let me assure you….I don’t.

Sometimes the need to manage it all drives me plum crazy. Until all the hats begin to manage me.

I get tired. I get worn. I get irritated. I get angry. And, I scream. At God.

And I know that you can give me rest. So I cry out with all that I have left.

That cry came just the other day as I was getting ready for an appointment. I had the pleasure of spending a much needed weekend away with my husband. A time away with no plans, no crazy demands, and rest. And, since God seems to have my sarcastic sense of humor, I have since paid for this time of rest upon my return.

On this particular morning, as I prepared to take my son who had broken his wrist for yet another round of X-rays, I discovered I had once again (yes, that’s right-again!) lost his insurance card. In a frantic search for this missing piece of vital information…I lost it.

As I looked up towards the heavens, I screamed. God! Give.Me.A.Break! I can’t do this anymore. I just can’t handle all these things you keep throwing at me! Enough! Got it?

I.Can’t.Do.It.Anymore!

I’m tired. I’m worn. Life just won’t let up.

“Your son may need surgery.” This in the midst of some ongoing critiscm. This before some even sadder news for my family.

So, I find myself once again for the second time in two days looking up and yelling. I’m tired here! I need a break! Can’t you see I am worn out? I am tired of dealing with these things, Lord.

Until God reminds me of something.

As I tell a friend about how my spirit is struggling to deal with it all, her answer reminds me of why He is allowing these things to be thrown at me.

“You’re getting an opportunity to write a “trust check” to God. Now you get to spend some of that trust.”

Um, could I spend it on a spa vacation, please? Well, no. Because as good as that would feel for a few days, those struggles would still be thrown at me. Until I finally start to realize my “trust payment” comes in the midst of all these messes.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

And, I was certainly asking for rest as I frantically searched for that insurance card. While laying on the couch suffering from a migraine. After hearing bad news. After being the target of yet one more critical remark.

Worn. Tired. Desperate. The only time I seem to plead and come to Him lately. Not daily, or on those days when things are actually good.

Trials are going to come. They are just waiting around the corner, and sometimes they come one after the other. But, God doesn’t want us to only reach for Him when we are in the middle of trials. When we are worn down. Tore up. Broken. He wants us to do this all the time.

When we go to Him, he lets us know our struggles will soon end.

When we go to Him, he mends all the places that are torn, tattered, and just plain worn out.

He gives us rest on our good days, and peace on our bad.

Even when we are worn.

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