The Season of Doubt


Now faith is confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see. Hebrews 11:1

A few months ago, I had the honor of presenting the Sunday message at church. After spending a week ministering to kid’s through VBS, it had been revealed to me that my faith had been lacking. I knew in the back of my mind what God had asked me to do. I had prayed about it. I had prayed that somehow my husband would jump on board, and these prayers were answered. But, I was still not truly convinced or faithful enough to take the next step.

I was still scared of the “what-ifs,” and the only soil in which I wanted to plant my feet, was the kind marked “comfort.”

I have mentioned a few times how I have wrestled with finding my purpose for some time now. God had revealed the steps I needed to take to get there. He had revealed His plans, but I was still hesitant to move forward.

Until I was reminded of this:

“So anyone who becomes as humble as this little child is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven.” Matthew 18:4

Simple, child-like faith.

So, in that Sunday message I handed over all the things I used that blocked my ability to step out in faith. And, then I went to work and handed in a resignation letter.

But, now what?

When a client consistently misses appointments resulting in a missing paycheck.

When the internship I was so sure I could start still has not been approved.

When my inability to adjust to this new routine means my sole purpose is taking up space on my couch each day.

When the bills keep coming. The kids keep getting sick. When I start to wonder if I ever really heard Him right at all.

When I start to ask Him…Ok, Lord. I did it. Now what?

But when you ask him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind. James 1:6

I made a decision to step out in faith, but now I was doing exactly what this leap of faith did not allow-wavering in a sea of doubt.

See, I had this false belief that once I said “yes” to God, and took the step he had gently urged me to, that the rest would be a piece of cake. That all the pieces I needed for this “yes” to happen would all fall into place.

Instead, it has been full of obstacles. Full of waiting impatiently. Full of learning that saying “yes” isn’t always that easy.

Because in order for His plan to succeed I have to be refined. Molded. Tested.

So I can learn to pray through those obstacles.

So I can learn to be patient as I wait.

So I can learn to remain faithful in these seasons of doubt.

5 responses to “The Season of Doubt”

  1. Always remember that HE goes through everything with us, ALWAYS!!! Kick doubt to the curb, for you are where He plans for you to be right now. Doing exactly what He will have you do in ministry as a minister…

    1. Thanks for your words of encouragement. Sometimes the control freak in my doesn’t take the time to trust Him…I want things done right now! I am learning to patiently wait on Him, for I know He won’t let me down.

      Blessings to you!

  2. I think this is all faith is about – trusting, doubting, so many seconds (or hours?) of incertainty, BUT it counts so much more to be exactly there where He wants me, than anywhere else. Thanks for your personal, intimate insight in this struggle of the soul. And thanks for encouraging by sharing!

    1. Thanks for your reading and your kind thoughts. Yes, it is comforting knowing that even though I may doubt, He knows exactly where I am now and where I am heading!

      Blessings to you,

  3. […] Faith in the midst of doubt is fearless. Embracing the twists and turns of life is fearless. Parenting is fearless. Love is fearless. […]

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