For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. Ecclesiastes 3:1
When I began this blog many years ago, I began so in a caffeinated state, usually at 3am in the morning. Usually battling the wills of autism.
Here it is almost 7 years later. It’s still 3am. My state is more like agitation, but it’s the change and uncertainty that has caused this sleeplessness.
Writing to me is healing. It’s a process of letting go of negative thoughts that run an endless spin cycle in my head. It’s the way in which I express the feelings I often cannot say out loud.
It’s been a journey I’ve enjoyed since inspired to keep a journal by my high school English teacher. It’s why I encourage anxious kids to do the same, whether they take the advice or not.
It’s how I process my angry conversations with God. My even angrier conversations I know I’ll never have with others.
I’m still writing, just not here. I’m still sharing what God has placed on my heart, just not here. For a number of reasons.
One is-we have changed. We just don’t read. We see the tag line. Like the picture. See the snappy caption, and don’t get all the way to the end to actually take in the entire post. So, we miss the true meaning.
We prefer video presence, and filtered pictures. Motivational quotes, and memes. It’s just our modern culture. And, while I’m never going to conform, I’m also not going to put myself out there for a tag-line or caption to be misrepresented.
Two…Mordecai sent this reply to Esther: “Don’t think for a moment that because you’re in the palace you will escape when all other Jews are killed. If you keep quiet at a time like this, deliverance and relief for the Jews will arise from some other place, but you and your relatives will die. Who knows if perhaps you were made queen for just such a time as this?” Esther 4:13-14
Mordecai told Esther she was chosen Queen to stand up for something. Someone. Some cause. Not stay silent. Do something. Have a purpose for something she believed in.
This time for me. This time with far less work, and far more idle time. Though it may seem far less purposeful, it can be time spent doing some of the things I have only dared dream to do. But never found the time.
Or, was too fearful to do. Because in order to do so, it meant I would have to stop doing something else. Or putting myself out there in an even different way. And letting go of something else in my mind meant one word-failure. I just would not accept that. Putting myself out there even more, meant something even scarier-rejection. I can’t handle that one.
However, I know differently, now. New things require letting go of some old ones.
So I’m taking a break, and doing those things. Letting go of some old. Allowing some new habits to form. Some new gifts to be used.
For those who have read these 3am thoughts I thank you for following along with me on this journey. Really. Thank you! Because while I know many are not comfortable with someone who can share the not so pretty parts of what makes this life, well LIFE; you valued my vulnerability.
No worries. It’s still out there in this great big thing we call the internet.
Still being shared.
Still being encouraged.
If you are still up for the journey until my return with some other things, you can join me here:
On Instagram: @coffeewithashotofffaith
On Facebook: @marshallcoffeefaith629
And the YouTube Channel my son so graciously helped me create: @RealCoffeeTalk629
God willing, I’ll see you soon! Finished projects, ready to complete and share!