“I lost my safe. And then I did what you call a spiral. I spiraled.”
These were the words I heard in that moment. When talking about loss and fear. And I felt that. Every bit of what was said.
Let me explain…
Prior to the isolation and anxiety that came with COVID, life was virtually predictable. Get up. Go to work. No fears or worries of any impending disasters. Safety was a job. Safety was financial security. Safety was a routine. Safety was good health. Safety was comfort in the presence of people. Safety was conversation. Safety was a hug.
But then…”I lost my safe.” And I began to spiral, too.
Nothing and no one felt safe anymore. And old habits. Old beliefs. Old hang-ups. Old negative thoughts. Old traumas took safety’s place, and left an endless cycle of anxious spirals.
The safety of a job was replaced with a loss of purpose. The safety of good health was replaced by constant panic or worry of becoming unhealthy. The safety of people was replaced with isolation, and the realization that presence doesn’t mean connection. The safety of a hug was replaced with lack of touch and physical closeness. Comfort. Warmth.
But in those spirals, those cravings for safety once again; I realized safety and security were really none of these things. Even if I could no longer hold a job. Hold onto my previous routine. Hold onto my friends and loved ones.
There was still One holding me.
Hold on to me when it’s too dark to see You
When I am sure I have reached the end
Hold on to me when I forget I need You
When I let go, hold me again. -Lauren Daigle
Safety cannot be found in the “arms” of the world and what it holds as secure. Those things can easily be taken away. Lost. People leave. Sometimes in your darkest moments. Some were never really safe to begin with.
God is our security. He is the one who provides when the job is lost. He secures our future. He holds us in his arms and gives us a big, safe hug.
He is what keeps us safe. Hold onto Him. A sure, constant, and present promise of safety.
In peace I will lie down and sleep,
for you alone, O Lord, will keep me safe. Psalm 4:8